Focus on Yourself: Reflecting on Freshman Year

This past Wednesday I finished my freshman year of high school. There is no correct or adequate way to prepare one for the high school experience; it does not matter if you are a genius or a failing student, a varsity athlete, an artist, or a violin player. On the first day of freshman year, everyone is thrown in head first with no one holding their hand; from that point, is it up to every student to decide for themselves if, for the next four years, they are going to sink or swim.

My freshman year experience had its highs and its lows; I maintained high grades, I made new friends, and had incredible experiences; however, I also had long and grueling hours of homework, stress, and the constant pressures of keeping up with my peers.

High school has taught me invaluable lessons about myself, and of course about the subjects I am taught in. But perhaps the best lesson I learned over the course of my freshman year is this: focus on yourself, and do not give in to imposter syndrome.

"Imposter syndrome" is a type of psychological behavior in which one diminishes their own accomplishments by constantly comparing them to those of others; in my case, and the case of many competitive high school students, "others" are their peers.

Being a competitive person and a competitive student, sharing higher level classes with more-or-less the same group of people throughout my classes created some unhealthy expectations. Students would always compare grades on tests and projects, track each other's GPAs, and discuss and analyze their "competition".

I will admit, I definitely got wrapped up in imposter syndrome early on in the year. I became fixated on knowing who had what GPA, what summer activity so-and-so was doing, and how many APs so-and-so was planning to take next year. This was a massive mistake, as I found myself questioning my achievements and abilities when I stacked them up against my peers.

Then, I watched a YouTube video. It was a video by a student at Dartmouth College detailing his troubles in high school with imposter syndrome. He explained how he was always "number-two" at his high school, and how that impacted his views on his worth as a student and as an individual. His video was a big wake-up call for me; I realized that the more time I devoted to stressing about what others were doing, the less time I had to accomplish my goals and get to the places I wanted to be. The person in the video had this same wake-up call, and now he's at Dartmouth!

If you asked me the GPA of any of my peers now, I would tell you I do not know. I only know what my friends are doing this summer, and I do not care what so-and-so's class rank is. Because zoning in on others' successes will never advance me or my successes, and that is not how anyone should spend their time in high school; we should be able to support our peers without comparing ourselves to them, which is an attitude I definitely had to work towards.

I had an awesome freshman year; I ended with great grades, I earned leadership roles in several clubs that I am excited to take on, and have expanded my role in my community. And, yes, I am sure there are countless other people my age doing much more, and that is great for them; right now, my greatest concern is being proud of myself, and I could not be happier with what I achieved my freshman year, and could not be more excited to see what else is to come.

Emma