The COVID Diaries: Summer of Uncertainty

There’s so much to say about what the past three months of summer have looked like, and yet I feel no proper combination of words or phrases will appropriately express my feelings. I think about the defining moments of older generations: World War II, Vietnam, the Internet, 9/11, etc. Some of those events have been romanticized (the amount of WWII love stories released each year through novels and movies), while others like 9/11 and Vietnam only develop more painful legacies as time passes.

It’s an incredibly strange feeling to be living through something that you know will be one of the most pivotal moments of your life, and yet, not being able to do anything. I don’t feel a changed person. Maybe I won’t realize the effects of COVID-19 until I’m on the other side of it, or maybe that’s not what a “defining” event of one’s life really means. COVID-19 isn’t an epic, sweeping war or a groundbreaking technological revolution. It’s a depressing, confusing, and stagnant period in my life. And in all truthfulness, if life ever returns to what I once knew it to be, I don’t think I ever want to reflect on this period again.

I hope that there aren’t Coronavirus movies (I know there will be, but I don’t want that). Did people feel the same way about World War II? When they watched “It’s a Wonderful Life,” did they think “Ugh, can we not think about the war right now?” Why does this feel different to me? Is it because it’s still happening? Is it because I’m in the thick of it?

I think a large explanation for this unsettling feeling I have about the legacy of COVID is that unlike WWII or 9/11, this is not a unifying time for the world by any means. Coronavirus, at least in America, has created more divisions. We’re not all in this together. And I’m not trying to get political when I say that, it’s merely a fact. When people from my generation tell their children and grandchildren about COVID, there will be accounts of the pandemic that wildly contradict each other. That doesn’t make me feel great.

As summer comes to a close and the school year begins again, I feel just as unsure about where we are headed as I did when school ended in June. I don’t know when I will get to go to school without wearing a mask. Or when I will be able to hug my friend without being concerned that I could be spreading a deadly virus to their entire family.

But for now, all we have are questions, frustrations, and no answers. And although it is hard to stay positive, I am trying to look forward to the other side of COVID, and am hoping that the other side is coming soon and safely.